You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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