before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
