Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
