she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
