I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
