For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
