Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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