I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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