I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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