it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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