You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
