You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
