i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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