somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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