I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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