Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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