I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
