i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
