I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's blow job season.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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