Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
