Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
