Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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