hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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