so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
