hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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