pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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