I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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