Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
