You don't have asthma, your pregnant
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
