Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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