I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
