I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
