You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
