Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
