he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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