I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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