Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
