Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hippo gnu deer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
