fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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