Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
