some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
