he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's get the cat blown out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
