he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
