While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
