dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
