Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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