whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
40s are totally the cure
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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