you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
