my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
