When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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